@ The Airport...

Here I am, at the Amsterdam airport at 0405 am. 3 hours until take-off. I haven't slept at all... I just can't sleep. It's been a problem for a long time now.
I'm wathing Iron Man, as I write this. Well, I'm listening to Iron Man in the background as I write this. It's a really good movie, I forgot how great it really is.... I should watch it more.
There are so many things I want to do with my life. I'm not doing any of them. I'm not where I'm supposed to be, and no I'm not talking about the airport. I'm talking about where I am in my life.
I have been home off my mission for almost six years now, and haven't done any of things I wanted to.
I have never thought I would have been home for this long and still not married. Still not have the job I want and still not in control of my economy.
I miss my ex-girlfriend. She dumped me more than four years ago and I still miss her. Sometimes I miss her so much that it hurts. How can that be?
She just spend a year and three months in France. In that year and three and months, I have learned to control my feelings and emotions for her and keep them down, and I hope that one day she will trust me again and become my friend. Even thoug I know that that day is far in the future, I pray every day that it will come.
As work hard every day at getting my life together I feel it coming a little closer all the time.
Right now I'm trying to stay focused on living the gospel and being worthy of my priesthood and temple covenants.
It's tough, but I can do it, I will make it a little at the time. And I slowly feel the power of the atonement in my life, and the healing power of the savior.
At the time I really miss my mission, and I wish I could go back and serve the Lord again in Idaho. I have never been happier in my life than I was when I was serving. I wanna feel that way again.
I know that I one day will as I stay true to the Gospel and the Savior, and trust that he will help me through my trials and bless me in the end.