So, a little over three years ago my girlfriend, at the time, dumped me. I really loved her. I had never loved anyone like that before and I have never loved anyone like that since.
We weren't together for very long, but it was the happiest time in my life, besides my mission. That girl made me SO happy. I have never felt so happy in my life, not before I met this girl and not since.
Was heart broken when she dumped me and told me that she didn't love me and never had and never would.
I loved that girl, and somewhere in my heart I still do.
So the past three years I haven't been happy. I've tried to be. I've done my best to keep myself happy, but I haven't been really happy.
I have dated other girls since, really nice girls too. But I have never been able to be in a serious relationship, cuz somewhere I still love this girl.
I have met a couple of girls since that I could have loved as much, and that I could see myself marrying but neither of these girls wanted to be with me.
That just made my pain bigger. The pain of loneliness and rejection, a pain that I would not wish my worst enemy to experience.
So even tho the past three years a have been mostly pain, there have been times when I have been able to put this pain in the background and just forget about it and enjoy my life, but it doesn't take much to remind me of my loneliness and rejection, and the pain comes right back and so does my tears.
I can't count the nights when I cried myself to sleep.
Tonight I talked to a friend of mine who just broke up with her boyriend, and I told her that it has been more than three years since I was truly happy.
She then tells me that she doesn't want to be three years down the road and not happy. And trust me neither do I, but here I am. And there is nothing I can do about it.
People tell me I have to be happy for what I have and be happy with my single live. And that might be true, but I just can't. I want to be happy with my life, but no matter what I do, I'm just not completely happy.
So here I am, three years down the road, not happy, but wanting to be.
So when is happiness going to come around?
